There ya have it folks, I’m once again considering going back to Wicca.
These past few years have been outrageous in my religion aspect. I’ve been bouncing. Wicca to Luciferian to Wicca to Eclectic to Wicca to Hellenic Polytheism and now the cycle returns once again. Wicca is the only place I’ve felt at home. I respect the Hellenic pantheon immensely, but I don’t feel at home with them. I feel overwhelmed.
One thing I loved about Wicca was the simplicity, yet complexity of the whole thing. Unless I get on medication, I don’t believe I’ll ever have the spoons to be a successful Hellenic practitioner. Wicca was low maintenance. I felt close to the Goddess and God. I truly did. I’ve never felt that kind of connection with any deities before, no matter how hard I searched. I found a professor/student sort of relationship with Lucifer and I love him dearly as well, but it was never as deep as with the Wiccan deities. They embedded themselves into an untouchable, unfathomable part of myself that I’ll never be able to truly understand on this plane of existence.
My biggest issue with this religion is it seems that its cons morally outweigh its pros. The transphobia/homophobia/heteronormativity that has poisoned the very basis of Wicca will never go away. Gerald Gardner will never not be a homophobic pervert and (a disappointing amount and possible majority)Dianic Wiccans will never not be transphobic bigots. My question and the one thing holding me back from going back to Wicca is; If I were to indulge in the spiritual aspect of this religion, even with a liberal and inclusive re-imagining of it, would I be subconsciously enforcing/supporting these dated and bigoted ideals?
It would be wise to acknowledge the reason I keep turning away from Wicca. It’s the dialogue that is brought up that sheds light on Wicca’s issues. The only pagan community I have is on tumblr and some pretty thorough and intense cases have been made against Wicca. There’s things about this religion that I can’t apologize for nor ignore without being a hypocrite. How could I, being agender queer afab person myself, expose myself to a religion that’s entire theology can possibly be interpreted (and was most likely originally established as) a heterocentric procreation based love story that implies that women are only valuable when they create life?
But the thing I valued was I never saw the story of the Wheel of the Year that way. I saw it as the harvest of the earth and the cycle of nature itself. A bean plant will begin as a seed (the maiden) then sprout into a flourishing plant that can create it’s own seeds (the mother) and then expire in the winter, knowing that the seeds it created will be used to continue the speceis (the crone.) To me, this story never exactly applied to the complexity of humanity itself. The Goddess was not just a human woman, She was the beauty that is nature itself. But the problem is, I’m only one person. My inclusive interpretation of Wicca won’t fix the fact that Wicca wasn’t made for people like me. Gardner had no intentions of his religion being adopted by a black liberal American feminist. So the question is, is Wicca salvagable? Is it possible that if there are enough Wiccans like me, then the foundation of Wicca can be overshadowed by it’s open arms?
I’m going to be doing some soul searching on this. I’m going to step back from Hellenismos for a while, examine my political stances and how they may effect my religious ones. It’s all about balance, I suppose.